Bottom of the pile or worth the effort?

Do you see yourself as worth it?
For years I, without knowing it, did not believe I was worth it. Now by it I mean the effort from myself or from others.
For years I tried to lose weight using weight watchers, tesco diets and slimming world. For years I would lose a bit of weight and then stop and start putting it back on.
For years I put myself at the bottom of the pile thinking that everyone else’s needs were more important and needed to be met before my own.
For years I put myself down and thought negatively about everything I did and everything that was said to me as a compliment.
Then after a life changing moment of heartbreak and the encouragement of a friend I started to realise that I was worth effort. I was valuable and mattered. My feelings didn’t always have to be compromised for the sake of others. My losing weight was important and worth putting effort into because I was worth putting effort into and it mattered to me.
The key phrases from the course Freedom in Christ ;
“I am accepted
I am secure
I am significant”
I began, with a whole lot of help from God, to change a mindset that which had been so deeply instilled in me from so many sources which should have been instilling the complete opposite that I had not spent any of my adult life believing any differently. In conversation that made me feel down and insignificant I would repeat in my head the three phrases above. When a negative thought came into head I would remind myself of those phrases.
I also had prayer and that opened the freedom from negative thoughts using what I now know to be God’s whisper to correct thoughts of maybe even 15 years history. Whispers from God about being worth time, him seeing me as beautiful, wanting the best for me, looking after my heart and building me up those helped to change my mindset!
So having had my mindset changed and having found a way of losing weight which worked for my personality type I started to see progress in something that meant so much to me. I invested time in myself and what I needed to do to stay on track and I was proud and encouraged by those around me.
Do you believe that you are worth the effort? Chances are if you consistently put yourself right at the bottom of giant pile telling yourself you do because you are called to serve others that you don’t recognise your need to made to feel worth it. It’s exhausting to love from a tank that is empty.

A someone or a somebody?

It’s so difficult to see yourself as someone who can be a somebody. Someone of use. Someone with a role no one else can play. Someone with influence. I find myself torn between liking the idea that I could be involved in something new and fearing that I am not the person who is meant to do. I mean I’m the one in the background who’s happy to facilitate. To do the dodgy jobs to help something happen – I’ve memories of walking up and down our church (the corridors are LONG) 3 times in the space of 10 minutes to find cups at 8.5 months pregnant – its wasn’t glamorous, it wasn’t practical but it was me and fitted my personality. How is it then, that you step out of the comfort zone which seems so in tune with your personality and be in a deliberate place of influence?!
I suspect I know the answer. Gods grace and purpose can overrid my fear, IF I let Him. Problem is my overthinking and worry that I am not who others see me as. The issue is that my voice will always be louder than the voices of those around me and I’ve learnt, and apparently forgotten, time and time again that when I change my inner voice to recognise the outer voices my fear is swept away.

However, right now, in this moment in time, I’m still not convinced I’m the woman that people see me as! I’m not convinced I am a woman with influence.
I’m open to God’s whisper to contradict me so here’s leaving that one to you God!