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Perception or more?!

This is mostly a rant at myself but you know I can rant at you too if it’ll help?!

Why am I so easily influenced by the worldly perception that showing weaknesses is failure? Why do I let that perception rule my internal thought processes? Why do I seem to think that only perfection is enough for those around me. My whole emotional existence seems to be easily destroyed by such simple comparisons, comments, observations and overthinking.

I’m tired of trying to be wonder-wife, supermum, the incredible friend, captain weight loss and any other super hero you can think of.

It can be putting myself down as a wife because I failed to clean the bathroom or didn’t finish dinner at the time I was aiming for.

Or berating myself because the supermum I aspired to be first thing in the morning turned into the toddler watching almost an entire serious of Fireman Sam whilst the baby naps instead of doing fun activities like making a fire engine out of a box! (and I somehow still didn’t manage to clean the bathroom?!?)

Or a rubbish friend because I forgot something like sending a message or not encouraging someone enough.

Or even just as a person aiming to lose weight. I *should* have lost more. I *shouldnt* have eaten that.

My overthinking mind influenced by a perception from somewhere, where I don’t know, tells me I am not enough and I cannot be enough until I am always achieving.

One of closest and most valuable, lovely friends sent me this the other day.


What if I could live in that mindset?! I don’t really know how it would help me get the bathroom cleaned, the fire engine made, the messages sent or the weight lost but I suspect somewhere God would make it work!!

Achieving is important. Achieving gets things done. Achieving motivates me to do more achieving but the perfectionism and the negative impact that goes with that achieving will destroy me.

So when I feel overwhelmed with an under whelmed soul and an overthinking mind maybe I need to just stop and remember I was made for me!

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Percecption vs reality

There are so many people who put so much effort into making it appear like life is perfect. It’s odd that we seem to think that showing weakness, errors, issues and failures is wrong when actually we all experiences them. The problem with perceptions is in moments of weakness we think we are the only ones who have those moments of we don’t know who to turn to who may have gone through similar.
I remember particularly feeling it when we were experiencing infertility and will always be eternally grateful to the couple we knew who’d been there before us who were open and honest and supported and loved even when our sadness reminded them of the sadness they had experienced. That’s when I tried to be real with people. When most people asked if we had kids I’d respond honestly. Some people were taken aback, others it gave them the chance to see they weren’t alone as they were experiencing the same issues and others it just allowed them to love us.
As a mum I know it’s easy to give off a perception of life being perfect and I know that often we only share the positives but I try to be real and honest. I try to show vulnerability and tough times as well as moments of pride and enjoyment. I’m not there, but I’m working on it!!
Right now my toddler is ill on the sofa on one side of me watching Bing (seriously there’s a rabbit who’s needs a parent – maybe more on that another day!!!!) and a grumpy screaming baby who quite rightly is tired and wants a nap. My dilemma is if I put the baby to bed the toddler loses his hugs that he says he NEEDS!! I shall leave you with my dilemma!!