I really think that we don’t give Dad’s enough credit for how hard being a Dad is. In fact most of what we hear about Dad’s is about how so and so walked away from their family, or how little this Dad does. Dad are often referred to as babysitters, secondary carers instead of primary carers and for the vast majority of Dad’s this does them a MASSIVE disservice.
From the get go of parenting it’s all focused on the Mum. SHE gets pregnant, SHE is tired, SHE has morning sickness, SHE has all the appointments, SHE is asked how she’s feeling, SHE feels those kicks, SHE gives birth (although I suspect many Dad’s are quite grateful that one’s not on their heads!!). Then as you move into actual parenting chances are SHE is breastfeeding, SHE is recovering from birth either natural or csection, SHE gets time off with the baby, SHE gets to go and eat cake and drink tea with her friends. SHE also has the weight to lose, most of the sleepless nights and the pressure of feeding a baby all on her shoulders (if she’s breastfeeding) but that’s an aside note!!
Dad’s cant make their wives sickness and tiredness go away, Dad’s miss so many firsts, Dad’s go back to work whilst still get disturbed sleep, Dad’s watch on as breastfeeding wives struggle with the pain and frustration of feeding, Dad’s see how tired their wives are getting and can’t do much to help. For the first 6 months much of their wives attention and energy is focussed on this little alien who has burst into family life and destroyed all you thought you knew about parenting.
All a Dad can often do at first is just support his wife. I say ‘all’ as if that’s not much but actually to an exhausted and emotional mum, support is EVERYTHING.
Both our boys were born by csection. Zac an emergency after a long labour that had awake for a whole night and saw me in hospital for 5 days partially due to Zac having jaundice, and Sully a planned calm csection which I was home from after 26 hours. Both required me being looked after and supported and particularly after Sully this is exactly what Ross did. He looked after Zac, he made me drinks and meals, he passed me Sully in the middle of the night, changed all of the nappies and basically worked his bum off to look after me and the boys, he certainly did not get a holiday for his paternity leave!
He supported me with breastfeeding even when i was in pain and frustrated. He never suggested I should give up and even told the midwife off for not listening to me when I said I wasn’t willing to give a bottle yet.
Then when dealing with a toddler he often misses the calm and content morning Zac and gets to deal with tired, fiesty, shouting, grumpy, volatile Zac having done a long and exhasting day at work. I’m also incredibly blessed that he comes home and cooks dinner for his family. He does amazes me.
Sully is still in that under 6 month phase when its limited what a Dad can do, especially with a breastfed baby (I know I keep saying it but that’s the only first hand experience I have) but his face lights up and beams when he sees his Dad and he definitely loves Daddy kisses!!
Zac is all about his daddy. In my opinion that is testament to the present and active role that Ross has chosen to take in Zac’s life.
So yeah, being a Dad is hard but I’m proud of the Dad of my boys, even if i do lots of moaning… sorry Ross!
